Since falling pregnant and up until a couple of months ago, I was certain that I would take the full 9 months of maternity leave I was owed before going back part time, making the most of every second with my little monkey… But a couple of weeks ago, with over two months left of my leave, I got myself a new job and here I am:
A ‘working mum‘.
A good opportunity came up for me in a job that I knew I would enjoy – so I took it. It’s a great place to work in with great people, and I am 100% enjoying being social and doing something different for a change… but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my little boy – and Chris – like CRAZY. I have gone back to work part time with the hopes that I can work my way up to gain experience, end up earning a good wage and help to provide for my family – which I know is the normal, perfectly acceptable thing to do… but of course, the Mum Guilt has crept its way back into my brain. Lucky me.
Part of me thinks that it’s too soon – I shouldn’t have left my baby so early on. I’m scared of missing out on things, of not being there to see him giggle or sit up on his own. I’m worried that no one else can settle him like I can, that he needs his Mama around 24/7 ‘just in case‘. I’m even more terrified of the idea that he’ll one day decide to be an independent big boy, that he won’t miss me when i’m gone or need my cuddles and kisses in the mornings. It upsets me that Chris now has to work his days off around my days on, so we won’t see each other as often as we’d both like. It stresses me out that we are both tired all the time, and never have the energy to do many activities or adventures because of the work/lack of sleep mix…
But this is all normal. I know both my boys will be fine – they always are! It’s definitely been more of a shock to my system than anyone else… After all, three mornings a week isn’t really the end of the world in any way, shape or form. I still have plenty of time to bond, play and cuddle with my baby boy – and I will ALWAYS make the most of the time we spend together. Chris and I have promised each other to do more together and as a family, to make as many memories as we can in the short time that our little boy really IS little…who needs sleep after all? So we’ll be okay. All of us – we’ll be perfectly okay and, most importantly, we’ll always be happy!
I hope that one day, years down the line, we will be financially stable enough for me to be a stay at home mum – but working life isn’t so bad really! It feels good to be earning and learning new skills and meeting new people, so I’m throwing myself into this new chapter and enjoying it as much as I can. I’m not any less of a dedicated parent because I have gone back to work, and I need to keep reminding myself this. I still put every single bit of my love and energy into my son when I am with him and he will always know that no matter how many hours I spend away from him a day, I will love him with my whole heart – forever.